I’m a victim of matchmaking
Mai Chisamba, I hope I find you well. I am 23 years old and still single. I am in a relationship with a 24-year-old guy who is unemployed. We are very much in love and I do not mind doing whatever he wants.
I am a personal assistant to my boss at a private company. I am comfortable and kumba I contribute here and there. My boyfriend has never worked, although, he is educated. It breaks my heart when my mother describes him as rovha rako. Iwo mabasa acho kusina.
We talk about the future and marriage, it is unfortunate we cannot put a date to this because of his situation. The problem is there is a certain divorcee and father of one who is proposing love to me but I just do not have feelings for him.
He drives a nice car and he is employed and quite presentable. My mother is pushing me to go for this guy but I am just cold towards him. She has gone a step further to report this to tete my father’s sister and now it is like a tag team.
Tete has said ndine shavi rehurombe rekuda kudyiwa mari nerovha. This guy has recently started staying in our neighbourhood and tete is already calling him babamudiki.
When I buy gifts or give money to my boyfriend it is not as if ndiri kunyengerera I do it with all my heart and out of love. Tete was saying uchachemberera pamusha by the time my boyfriend gets a job I will be too old. Please help me because everyone now thinks that I am chasing the wind.
When you are in a situation like mine that is when one hates tutsika twemangamanga twekuti my man has to pay lobola. I love him so much if I had my own way I would go and spend the rest of my life with him for free. I am not for sale. Should I fall for the other guy because he is rich in their eyes?
I am just fed up. Should I marry this guy before I get too old?
Response
I am very well thank you for asking. I think your family is working on a technicality; what age is too old? And too old for what? It seems now most people are getting lost they do not know what marriage is about.
It is a lifelong companionship based on genuine love. If marriage is based on looks, riches, age or any other reason that is not love then chances of it surviving are very slim. You are in a relationship you are happy with that is a big plus. Your mother is very unfair to this guy.
She is calling him names, the fact that he is not working should not be used to humiliate you. He is educated as you say that is the best foundation in life, the tables can change at any moment.
Rovha is not his name it is only the situation he finds himself in because of our economy. That is not his own making. The guy they are pushing you to fall for is new in your neighbourhood. The fact that he is divorced has to be established whether it is true or not.
He is a father of one and already has broken his vows why? Where is the mother of the child and what is the arrangement between them for the child? Is their divorce legally through?
There are so many questions that need to be answered before this guy can be considered. You are a major according to the law you can decide what you want to do with your life but we are people with a culture that moulds us.
Our culture demands that your husband pays lobola in order for him to be accepted by the clan. Do not look down upon this. It is just unfortunate that the man of your dreams is not financially sound otherwise hatusi tutsika twenhando.
Amai and tete are really pushing it and some of the things that they are saying are very untoward. Hapana shavi rehurombe apa kana kuchemberera pamusha.
People should learn to respect God’s time. I always say no one can fast forward or rewind it. My advice is that people should marry for love only. Continue with the man of your dreams and pray about the situation now and it shall be well.
Parents and elders out there please do not mislead the youth by considering tangible assets that can be lost instead of real and true love.
When you give whole heartedly nyaya yekudyiwa haimbofungika. Instead of just giving your boyfriend balance your act and also think of family and friends. I wish you all the best.
This first appeared in The Sunday Mail.
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